Just another wee night out...

Who put the tart into tartan?

It’s seven pm on a frosty British evening, and we’re calling our good friend Fidelma Cook. She’s in central London and we’re gabbling, excitedly, from a red phone box in Windsor. Damn it - we’ve left our cell on the train and, take it from us, there couldn’t be a worse time to mess up. We’ve been invited by HRH Prince Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, to The Arts and Business Dinner at Windsor Castle, and our missing phone contains all our contact - and direction - details. And saints preserve us, the glamorous event kicks off in just thirty minutes. “Calm down!”, purrs our pal, a revered journalist with The Daily Mail, one of Britain’s best selling newspapers. “Where are you?” she continues. “Outside an old world pub with a thatched roof, and we’re lost.” Our sharp witted scribe, who’ll certainly be filing copy at this time of night, and therefore beside her laptop, does a quick google search and, within moments, provides us with the details we require. Seconds later we’re hailing a black cab and motoring towards our destination. Phew. No one dare miss a royal summons…

With just two minutes to spare we dash through the imposing gates of Windsor Castle and rush towards the door. One of us, Colin (who’s going through an unusually long haired trial) is wearing an elegant Victor and Rolf dinner suit, while the other, Justin, is close cropped, as normal, and sporting a full highland kilt. Both of us feel duly attired for a black tie event such as this but neither of us could have anticipated the pending breach of Royal protocol.

Spool forward ten minutes and we’re caught in a melee of business invitees, paparazzi and a smattering of media guests. We’re representing ‘young’ (we’ll go with that) British TV talent and feel remarkably collected (even after our panicked arrival) as dignitaries swarm towards the portal through which Chuck and Cam’ are due to appear. When the royal pair finally enter, the room falls silent and heads bow graciously. The crowd is divided, by equires and ladies in waiting, into two precise lines, with half being ushered towards Camilla and the remainder being sent towards Charles. We’ve been assigned ‘Team Camilla’ and, while delighted, can’t help wish there was a handshake ahead with our future King.

But anyway, Camilla - what a remarkably lovely lady. She’s gracious and warm and, after friendly introductions, we’re on a royal roll, our collective riotous laughter piercing the otherwise silent room. Conversation quickly flips from the ‘pleasantries’ we’d expected to the glamorous state room inside which we’re congregated and Camilla asks our opinion of the décor. Turns out she’s a big design fan and we chat animatedly about various TV shows before inviting her to tune in to daytime magazine show ‘This Morning’ where we‘re kicking off a week long style feature the very next day. Then we get cocky and suggest, jokingly, that she limit the sherry if she hopes to be sufficiently awake to enjoy our broadcast. As the laughter rises even further we realise that both guest lines are beginning to converge and then, out of the blue, Camilla suddenly summonses her husband. “Charles, I want to tell you of a little issue I’ve spotted that relates to my friend Justin’s attire.” ‘Friend’? OMG. Bare knees begin to tremble. Hells bells, now we’ve got the royal seal of approval.

Charles breaks free of the line and suddenly we’re a neat foursome as other guests crane their necks to see what the commotion is all about. “Colin’s dinner suit is beautiful but Justin’s wearing a kilt,” muses our new girlfriend, “and that rather breaches etiquette, even though I adore tartan”. We smile sweetly while shaking hands with Charles and then, in demure tones, whisper: ‘Your Highness’. That’s all we can manage. We’re in shock. The royal couple, discussing us! Then back to Camilla: “A kilt”, she smiled, “outside Scotland, should only, in Royal company, be worn at a hunting meet”. With this she slips us a coquettish wink and we notice Charles becoming increasingly gripped by our interface. “How do you know they’re not hunting?” he responds, as his wife narrows her eyes and asks; “And while we’re on the subject of Scottish attire, what’s worn underneath?” Blimey! A royal enquiry about undergarments. As much as we’re taken aback, our gast remains unflabbered and we blurt out together, as if rehearsed, “Nothings worn under the kilt. It’s all in perfect working order.”

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the errant kilt became subject of the evening and in fact its discussion continued well into the next morning when, as we began our TV broadcast, we paused for a moment to thank Chuck and Cam for their warm and generous hospitality. They were of course watching (or at least we like to think they were) and we hope our ’shout out’ added to their day as much as it appeared we (or at least the kilt) added to the night before. But anyway, tartan. Or plaid. Or overlaid check, or, for that matter, whatever you want to call it. If it’s good enough for the future king and queen then it’s good enough for the rest of us.

Tartan’s royal seal of approval, it should be noted, goes far further back than Charles and Camilla. It even pre dates Queen Elizabeth who has used it to accessorise various zones in Buckingham Palace. Queen Victoria, too, famously attired Balmoral using the hallowed chequered cloth. In artistic circles, Madonna has, on several occasions, used tartan to swathe her lithe figure as she darts around stage. And of course grand hotels, the world over, traditionally punctuate their muted schemes with elegant shots of plaid. Gone are the days when tartan was a motif used only to symbolise family clans and kin. Nowadays, tartan has become a seriously hip fabric and its sometimes delicate (but increasingly less so) linear graphs inspire creators of everything from haute couture (think Burberry, Vivienne Westwood and Ralph Lauren) to furniture, draperies and carpet.

We’ve always had a fondness for tartan (yeah, okay, we’re a little biased) and we genuinely love the simplicity and repeat of its structured form. Sure, we also love organic pattern, but tartan’s (almost mathematical) motif is easy to work with and sits well in almost any interior setting. If you watched the recent New In Homes pod cast filmed in our Toronto condo, you’ll remember we used Graham and Brown tone on tone grey checked wallpaper in our master bedroom. And we’ve used tartan on many TV shows, most recently when we filmed a dedicated plaid segment for City Line which aired just two weeks past. And now, bolstered by Camilla‘s royal approval, we’re at the final stages of creating a ‘hunting lodge’ guest suite in our Glasgow home. There’s an oak four poster and matching nightstands, lashings of tartan upholstery and even a stags head, positioned proudly to survey the Scottish scene. Your Highness Camilla, if you’re reading this, please feel free to join us in ’The Dear Green Place’ any time before we disappear back to Toronto in January. There’s always a warm, crackling fire in ‘oor hoose’ and a haggis (when we can catch one; they’re fast little critters) cooking gently on the Aga. And remember, M’am; because Glasgow’s north of the border, we - or you - won’t have to worry about kilted protocol. So everyone will be happy. Cheers! We’ll see you guys next week!

Next week - read all about our ’temporary’ musical diversion. Yup, we’re releasing a Christmas single for ‘Cash For Kids‘, an exceptionally hard working children’s charity. And it all came about when we were buying a new sofa…

read all about our ’temporary’ musical diversion. Yup, we’re releasing a Christmas single for ‘Cash For Kids‘, an exceptionally hard working children’s charity. And it all came about when we were buying a new sofa…

There’s still time to enter our FREE $15,000 contest! Buy any Glade Plugins Scented Oil product and you’ll be in with a chance to win a C&J makeover chez vous! Visit www.glade.ca for all the details. Good luck!

read all about our ’temporary’ musical diversion. Yup, we’re releasing a Christmas single for ‘Cash For Kids‘, an exceptionally hard working children’s charity. And it all came about when we were buying a new sofa…